Such a ton of life

I lived here in Florida. 19 years’ worth of life. Wow!

There was joy and there are/were friends and cats and sun and great times and heartbreak and devastation and fun and sadness and Florida rains and new friends and travels and a beautiful house and depression and creative endeavors and more cats and the ocean and beaches and writing and collaging and oh, so much more!

It will take a while for me to process it all, to say goodbye to it all. I did think I would stay when I arrived here all those years ago and I was ready to embark on a new life in America.

So, what happened? What changed?

I think, in one sentence:

It’s not home here for me.

Says it all, doesn’t it?

Oh, life here is familiar to me now; perhaps even more so than life in Germany.

The other day I drove south on 319 and I thought, ‘oh, I could stop at the bookstore and go get some groceries as well’ and I felt sad, thinking – simultaneously, ‘how can I give this up? It is all so familiar! I won’t be doing this anymore.’

But.

It’s not home.

So I have to go – even though it breaks my heart leaving.

 

So immensely much has happened here for me, in my life.

Big things have happened in my life, there were deep heartbreaks, and I so enjoy working with the big cats and I am still thrilled to have written a book, for example. And little things happen all the time, like sitting on the chaise with my cat(s), or going to the wonderful grocery stores around here with the huge produce sections with all the fresh organic food. Yeah, well, that both might be big things after all.

In a way, it all is so big! Everything in life really is. It is the beauty of it all.

I often sit during these last weeks and I let thoughts come – whatever wants to be remembered at this time. I take it all in; soak it all up, every detail, so I won’t forget; all the beauty of every moment.

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